Leave It To Naruto
by sound-of-mind
Summary: "I just thought of something... If this were a fanfic, this situation would be different. Only you and Sasuke would be here. And it would be a closet. And interesting things would happen." Can Sakura and Sasuke survive a night with him? Answer: NO.
1. The Chapter That Starts Off The Story

The Hotel:

"I heard something."

"No, Sakura, you didn't. But, you know what you could do? Go to sleep. Kakashi-sensei said we'd have to get up early tomorrow, which, well, wouldn't be that early considering the fact that he's going to sleep until two o'clock if we don't wake him. But still. It _is_ two o'clock, and I'm losing patience."

"It clearly is two o'clock. You're talking a lot more than you do in the afternoon."

"Be quiet Sakura."

All was quiet in the hotel room for about two minutes. Then… "Sasuke-kun, I swear, it's right under the floor boards."

"Alright, alright. We'll go check it out." Grumbling to himself, he got out of bed, fully clothed in tomorrow's clothes.

"I think it's downstairs," Sasuke concluded, after listening to the wailing under Sakura's bed.

"B-but, Sasuke-kun, that's the basement…"

"Don't be a wimp, you're supposed to be a ninja."

She didn't answer, but followed him out the door. They walked down the hallway in the dark, searching for the door that lead down stairs. Cheap hotel. Kakashi was cheap, too. He could have at least gotten a better hotel for they're first overnight mission.

_"Would you rather sleep in a tree?" _He had asked, but really, when people ask you those questions, what are you supposed to say?

_"Yes, Kakashi-sensei, I would absolutely love to sleep in a tree. You know why? Because I'm one of those people who don't mind if they wake up with cockroaches in their shoes and a deer taking a dump on them. So yes, Kakashi-sensei, let's sleep in the tree. I'd like the birch one."_

They finally found the door. Sasuke turned the handle slowly. All was silent, until Sakura said, "You're trying to act like we're in a horror movie and trying to tell me you really don't want to do this, and you want to go back to sleep."

"Exactly."

"Chicken."

"That doesn't bother me, you do know that."

"... Hair like a chicken butt?"

"You're on, Bill Board Brow!"

Sasuke slammed the door open. He looked around, and then said casually, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."

Sakura gave him a wide-eyed look. Is he serious? But naturally, she just ended up copying Sasuke like she always does.

"Here kitty, kitty!"

"Kitty!"

"Get your furry butt over here!"

"Furry butt?" Sasuke and Sakura looked over at Naruto, who stood in front of a broken air conditioner. He had spoken, and now he was inspecting his bottom. "Is that a metaphor?"

"Naruto! God, you scared the crap outta me!"

"I did?" Naruto asked Sakura. "Sorry, I've been stuck down here for a while."

Sasuke broke the endless silence. "You mean you've been stuck down here?" He asked. Naruto nodded.

"The door's been locked. I was down here looking at the cool stuff when, 'slam!' I'm stuck in here. I've been calling and calling, but then I got bored, so I started making weird noises."

"How long?" Sakura asked.

"Huh? Since about eight, I guess…"

Sasuke was at the door, pulling on the door. "_THE DOOR IS LOCKED, AGAIN?!_" Naruto asked. Sasuke scowled at him.

"I hate you."

"Hah! No way, you think I'm cool."

"Yeah, nice move, getting us all locked in here, stupid." Sakura grumbled. Naruto grinned like an idiot.

"Guess we're all stuck, ne, Sakura-chan?"

"Shut, up, you guys, you're giving me a migraine." Sasuke started shifting through the junk, and looking all over the place for a way out. "You know what would be nice?"

"What?"

"If Naruto could get off his butt and help us."

"Yeah, that would be nice, but I don't think Naruto will join. I think Naruto would very rather sit and let Sasuke look for the way out." Naruto said sarcastically.

"Move. Now."

Eventually, they all sat in a small circle in the middle of the basement, Naruto eating the pudding he found in the refrigerator. "I love rice pudding. Would have preferred-"

"Ramen, we know, Naruto."

"How did you know?!"

_Well, That was interesting. Be more interesting to find out what happens. Review, I'll get to it. Make sure to leave me a message telling me to get off my procrastinating butt. Review, or I'll go kill a magician and wear him as an outfit to go traveling to Hawaii. Top that. _


	2. Tarnation! That Darn Computer

The Computer:

"There is a pudding culprit among us." Sakura raised an eyebrow at Naruto's comment. He had been in the fridge for about five minutes, searching for the pudding, apparently.

"Pudding culprit…?" Sakura questioned his choice of words.

"The pudding is gone."

"That was you."

"I didn't eat any chocolate pudding until now. And there isn't a six pack of them in the fridge anymore."

"I don't like that flavor that much," Sakura explained. Ever since a bad experience which included a chocolate factory and a movie... Let's just say the Johnny Depp version was a lot better. The 70's version? Not so much.

They both looked at Sasuke. Could he, the uncaring, un-eccentric and complete opposite of Naruto, steal something so meaningless and so delicious at the same time? Could he actually feel the need to steal it and not tell his best friends? (Not really) "Nah," Naruto and Sakura both replied to that mysterious voice talking in both their heads.

"Hey, I just thought of something!"

"What?" Sakura hadn't heard him talk in a while, which meant he might have been thinking really hard. But this is Naruto, so he was probably just trying to see how long he could hold his breath.

"You can think?" Sasuke asked.

"It's been happening a lot more lately, and quite frankly it's freaking me out. But what I was about to say was if this was a fanfic, it would only be Sasuke and you," he explained, ignoring Sasuke's comment from before and talking directly to Sakura. He continued with, "And this basement would be a narrow closet. And interesting things would happen."

Sakura stared at him with wide eyed, and even Sasuke glanced over at him. "Interesting how?" they both asked.

After a long explanation of what a fanfic was, and an even more long explanation about Sakura and Sasuke's fans, how they think and what they write, and everything was completely silent. Then he told the about the fanfic. Sakura and Sasuke stared at Naruto completely shocked about what he said. Sakura tried to picture it. She couldn't, Sasuke could either.

"Yeah, that's what I was like," Naruto laughed and put his hand behind his head. "It kind of freaked me out, but I exited before I could read anymore."

"Yeah, sure, interesting…" Sasuke weakly mumbled.

"I mean, who tries to put an earphone _that big_ into to _anyone's_ ear? Sakura if that ever happened, it would have been a lot harder to get out then in the story."

"What else did you read?" Sasuke asked. Interested, for once.

"Uhmm… I read some… Oh! There was this one that was talking about how you like this book... called Gerald The Hamster or something stupid like that."

Sasuke went pale. _"How did anyone find out?!" _

"Yeah, that's… stupid."

They uncovered the huge computer a little over fifteen minutes of sifting through all the junk. "Hey, a dinosaur!"

Sakura looked over at the big, ancient computer Naruto had take a cloth off of. "That's definitely from the Stone Ages."

"Whoa, it actually turned on!"

"Look how thick it is, it's almost unbearable."

"Makes you think, we're actually really privileged that we have the laptops we do today. They're small and easy to bring with you anywhere! "

"Yeah. The one I forgot in my room."

"Yeah, that one."

Sasuke walked over. "I have one like that." Sakura looked up at him, turning white.

"I mean they're the best computers! You can never lose them!"

Sasuke sighed. Yeah, you know you want a computer right now, just shove them off and check real quick if _Shugo Chara!_ was updated.

Or _Tokyo Mew Mew_… No, he had to have his top priorities in front of him right now. He still didn't know whether or not the fillers were over. Why couldn't Ikuto just come back already?! It would have been so much more dramatic if he came back, but no, he has to go find his selfish, uncaring, time-totally-wasted stupid father, and leave poor Amu and him behind. Come back…

"Sasuke, why are you spacing out?"

Sasuke snapped back to reality. "Huh? No reason. And no, I don't want to check for _Shugo Chara!_ episodes, mind your own business, Naruto."

_Let me just say, this is freaking amazing. AMAZING. I didn't think I'd update, because no one even gave me any motivation (Thanks guys), so I wasn't planning on updating until a lot of people told me to get off my procrastinating butt like _I _told everyone to do. But I think I might actually finish this story. And no, I don't like Shugo Chara!, why are you asking, you stupid people. Background: _"Ikuto… get outta France and back to Japan! Or I'll have to kill that magician!"_ Sorry, that's my evil conscience talking. Aren't I so evil? Yeah, right I don't even swear. Swearing is only for when you stub your toe. Sorry about the long author's note, but it is your lives wasted, not mine… that made no sense, because technically… yeah, go read something else kiddies, and in the meantime wait it out till the next chappie. _


	3. The Author Is a Mole

"Sakura, what time is it?"

Sakura glanced down at the computer screen. "Ten-thirty-"

"ARRRRRRRRHGGGG!" Naruto yelled loudly, causing Sasuke to jump a little, and Sakura to sigh. "There has to be a way out of here! There's no hidden doors! There's only that damn door! That's it!"

Naruto pointed accusingly at the menacing door. "YOU. ARE. GOING. DOOOOOWWWNNN!"

He ran, jumped up and attempted to stab the door's hinges, only to give up ten minutes later.

"Damn… you…" he collapsed.

After a long silence, Sasuke spoke up.

"You know something?"

Sakura took her head out of her hands. "What?"

Sasuke turned around to face the rest of the group. He had been sitting in the corner, pulling a Tamaki. "The author really sucked at this whole fanfiction thing, didn't she?"

Sakura laughed. "Yeah. I mean, what kind of a story plot is this? Get a life."

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you guys talking about?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and turned to the boy in the orange jumpsuit. "You know that this would never happen under normal circumstances, right?"

Naruto sat up. "Why wouldn't it happen?"

Sasuke joined the conversation. "Think about it. This isn't a real story. There's way too much dialogue. The characters seem to have no depth, and stupid things keep happening. It's like _Twlight._"

Naruto waved his hand around. "No, no, no, that's not it. Why wouldn't this happen? I mean, are you guys like, questioning your existence or something? What's going on?"

"Seriously, Naruto?" Sakura asked, curling her lip. "How dense can you get? This is obviously a bad fanfiction. You were onto it before. Sasuke and me would have been in a closet by now, right? That's fanfiction. It's also pretty unrealistic, considering he's due to betray everyone he knows and leave his responsibilities and all his friends behind, and try to basically kill everyone soon."

Sasuke: "Um, what?"

Naruto: "Yeah, but obviously, that's impossible. If this were a fanfiction, my whole life would pretty much be a lie!"

Sakura: "And I'm not denying that, you know."

Sasuke: "Sakura, what was that you said back there a little while ago?"

Naruto: "Now, you know that's just stupid. Every choice I ever made was my own decision!"

Sakura: "No, you've got it wrong. You said yourself that fanfiction was fiction based off of an _actual_ fiction story. Maybe the fanfiction started a little while ago, but we just didn't notice."

Sasuke: "Seriously, Sakura, what was that? I'm going somewhere?"

Naruto: "If that's so, that means we're just… _fakes!_ That means I'm not the real Naruto! And neither are you or Sasuke… and… oh my god…"

Sasuke: "And look Naruto. The author's gotten so lazy, she's making everything look like a play script."

Sakura: "Holy shit! I didn't even notice!"

Naruto: "So… She can like, erase us at any moment?"

Sakura: "Yeah…"

Sasuke: "I'm scared, guys."

Naruto: "Me, too."

Sakura: "I'm not."

Sasuke: ":O"

Naruto: "HOW LAZY CAN YOU GET? JUST A DAMN SMILEY?"

Sasuke: ":("

Sakura: "That's it. Where is she? I'm kickin' her ass!"

Naruto: "No! She's gonna erase us!"

Sakura: "No she ain't! She's still writing this, isn't she?"

Sasuke: ": \"

Naruto: "True."

Sakura stood up and looked around at the room. "Where is she? Damn it, them author's are good hiders, aren't they? Well, she kind of forgot we were ninjas, didn't she?"

Naruto: "Oh, yeah… Hey! Why am I still in play script?"

Sasuke: ":P"

Naruto: "Shut up, Sasuke."

Sasuke: "!"

Sakura suddenly kicked the wall in. She grinned. "Knew it."

The author looked up from her computer desk with wide eyes and stopped snickering. "Sakura? What are you doing here?"

The pink haired girl's eyes burned with impending violence. "Coming to kick someone's ass."

The author's eye widened. "Nooooo! Please! It's still healing from L's karate moves!"

Sakura blinked. "Who?"

"Never mind!"

Sasuke: ":D"

Naruto: "Yeah! I'm with Sasuke! Kick her ass! I'll wait behind this shelf."

The author squealed. "Sasuke! I missed you! Here you can talk normal, now."

Sasuke received his speaking rights back. "God sakes, woman! Did you know we've been stuck in that basement for nearly a year?"

"Ah~! I'm sorry! I'll give you anything!"

Naruto peeked out from the shelf, into the large whole in the wall. "Anything?"

Naruto sat on top of the hotel bed, his head in his hands, his legs swinging back and forth happily.

In the bed next to him, Kakashi slowly opened his eyes. "Hm? Naruto? It's early, even for—HOLY FUCK WHERE DID ALL THIS RAMEN COME FROM?"

The end.

_Well. There you have it. I'm done. For a while. Man, I doubt any of you cared what happened to this lame fanfiction. So there's a dumb ending for you losers that bother to read fanfiction. _

_In other news, did you see the latest Glee episode? KURTxBLAINE FOREVER._

_(Anyone notice the two anime references in there? XD LOL)_

_Also…! Red Cross will be accepting donation for the tragedy in Japan! Donate, yo! _

_http:/ www. redcross. org/_

_Thank you very much! –bows- S'been an honor. _


End file.
